When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
Unfortunately for some of us, the teacher has to make more than one appearance.
I finished day one of DUI school yesterday, and have two more to go. Here is what I am finding fascinating about the process – there is some wonderful information being presented in this course which makes sense. What amazes me is how the course information is so dead-on with how I drank. Now, if you’re not an alcoholic like me, the idea that information taught in a DUI school would make sense to someone with a drinking problem may seem like a “duh” statement. If I told you this is my third time in six years to DUI school, you’d wonder eloquently, “WTF, dude?” And if you’re asking why things are different this time versus the first- and second-times around. The answer is simple, grasshopper: perspective.
The first time I took DUI school I was on the front end of my relapse period, which is to say I was in bargaining mode. I didn’t want to go back to all that A.A. bullshit and have to work on getting sober again, so I took the course assessment and tried to squeeze a reason to drink from my test answers. That didn’t work. Then I listened with rapt attention at the instructor’s formula for low-risk drinking* and thought, “At last, information I can use! NOW I know how much I can drink!” (Quick sidebar: I said approximately the same thing when I was 14 and got drunk off a bottle of Boone’s Farm wine, waking up the next morning with a vomit bib stuck to my shirt – “At last – information I can use! NOW I need to learn how much I can drink without throwing up!”)
The short version of the formula is one drink per hour, two drinks per day, and NO MORE THAN three drinks per day, a “drink” being defined as either a 12-ounce beer, a 4-ounce glass of wine, OR a one-ounce shot of liquor. And I did try it that night after class.
Lookit, so I tried the formula. Yada, yada, yada, I was hungover at class the next day.
The second time I took DUI school, I was in full-blown Raging Bull alcoholic mode, which is to say:
JUST GIVE ME MY DAMN CERTIFICATE SO I CAN GET MY MOTHERBLEEPIN’ LICENSE BACK IF YOU DON’T MIND ‘COS I’M ALREADY PISSED OFF THAT I’M USING MY MOTHERBLEEPIN’ VACATION FOR THIS BULLSHIT AND IT’S ALL JUST A MOTHERBLEEPIN’ SCAM SO THE STATE CAN MAKE SOME MONEY AND BY THE WAY ABOUT YOUR BULLSHIT ASSESSMENT–THE WAY IT’S WRITTENANYBODY WOULD BE A MOTHERBLEEPING ALCOHOLIC!
So here I am for the third time with the revelation that the course information is not just relevant, but relevant and riveting. Dare I say rewarding?
The student who was sorta-kinda-maybe-possibly ready is now hungry for the information. And with a respectable period of sober time working for me, I have not only a new perspective on the facts–I have a new perspective on myself. You see, I am seeing the other two versions of the “me” that showed up at this course in several of my fellow students.
Maybe, just maybe–by the time I finish this course I can share a little of my practical experience with them. If not, yada, yada, yada the teacher will be waiting.